I had some short stories, poems and photographs to share ... and so here I am

11 Moments I Would Rather Forget !


Why, you may be asking, do I have a photo of former British Prime Minister John Major on my blog?

I've never done one of these "meme" things on Shameless Words before, but I thought this theme could be fun. I also thought I would list 11 things! Why is it always 10?

1. In my very first week in France, back in 1997, I had a gun held to my stomach in a supermarket robbery. With terrible French, there was much suffering trying to explain everything to the police and my landlady afterwards. That week the same gang is supposed to have shot dead a shopkeeper in Cannes. I almost fled back to Britain!

2. It was only at the age of eight that I realised that one is supposed to put money in the collection plate at church and not take money out. I really innocently believed the church was being generous and sharing out its wealth!

3. At a dinner party, with mostly strangers, I raved about how someone I worked with was a royal pain in the butt. A very quiet woman opposite later introduced herself as my colleague's WIFE! She said, "That's funny, he's only ever said good things about you." I don't think she ever told him though; he didn't change towards me.

4. Not long after arriving in the UK I got lost and drove the wrong way down a motorway, in a car with no insurance! Coming in the other direction was a police van full of officers. I was sent on my way with friendly waves after a passionate discussion about rugby and New Zealand; a brother of one of the officers had just moved there! (I'm actually not a rugby fan but can be if my life depends on it!)

5. When I was a boy I walked into a bathroom where a rather large, naked nun was about to climb into a hot bath. She screamed, dived in, caused a flood - and slapped me afterwards for good measure. I never made eye contact with her again!

6. I caused a stir when I joined the BBC in 1994 by wearing an earring to work, a small ring that I hadn't worn to the job interview. I ended up agreeing to take it out when doing interviews with the likes of war veterans and police officers!

7. I had a stutter and stammer as a child and teenager, but I was pleased to discover it went away when I spoke in front of crowds (school speeches, debates). I slowly adopted this new way of talking and went on to have a career in broadcasting.

8. While competing at the age of 10 in a school swimming competition, my togs came off while diving in for a race. With much laughter from the crowd, I had to climb out of the pool with one hand, the students AND teachers refusing to give me a towel!

9. I once went down on my knees in front of John Major when he was the British Prime Minister! I was a reporter at a media scrum and had to quickly duck out of the TV cameras' field of vision. I even got to ask a question from my odd position!

10. In a restaurant where I worked when I was 18, my boss's tirade of anger turned to stunned silence when I managed to drop a large tray of desserts FOUR times in a row. The customers applauded when the desserts finally arrived, and they left me big tips.

11. During a trip to Athens I chose a nice quiet place to take a midnight pee: into a hedge that surrounded a fenced-in palace. I relieved myself with great abandon, taking my time. It was only when I was doing up my fly that I realised a soldier with a machine gun was standing still just off to my left in the hedge, in camouflage, his face blackened! I said a very quick good night!

Yes, I have had some colourful moments ... and this is only just to mention a few! I may write about some of these incidents in more detail at a later date.


Debi said...

Ah, I loves ya, Muffin! Thanks for giving such a great start to my day!

pundy said...

That's absolutely brilliant - really did make me laugh out loud. Thanks.

S. Kearney said...

Hi Debi,
I'm glad you can read, even if you can't hear, cos you'd be missing out on so much fun otherwise! :)

I'm glad I was able to make you laugh out loud ... not that I probably laughed at the time with some of them! :)

L.M.Noonan said...

Dear Shameless,
I'm getting to know you, peeling back the layers...bit like peeling an onion. Will you draw blood like my paring knife, will tou make me cry?
Thankyou for sharing.

L.M.Noonan said...

I meant you...not thou or tu.
Sorry I'm a two fingered typist who's a little bit pissed...whaaat doesnt everyone have a glass or two or three in order to sleep?

S. Kearney said...

That's the nice thing about blogs: there's a gradual process of revealing oneself.:)
Make you cry? Hopefully we can laugh first. But there are bound to be some sad tales, poems or short stories.
And yes, the odd glass of wine is obligatory here in France, especially to get to sleep after working a dreadful string of nightshifts! :)

Anonymous said...

Wow, those were pretty amazing!

I'm with the others. Great to get these insights into your experiences.

Unknown said...

I laughed at the last one, Shameless. I'll bet you nearly died! :)))

exskindiver said...

thanks for the visit.
5 and 11 are my favorites.
two questions:
1. did the large nun slap you while she was still naked?
2. did you end up actually getting pee on the soldier?
may i share mine?
when you have time--

The Moon Topples said...

Shameless: I think I may have to give this one a try sometime in the next couple of days, although I am keenly aware that I have no stories as compelling as the ones you present here.

Still trying to get used to all the giant things on your blog. It's like I've logged into a large print edition for people with bad eyesight. Good thing the posts are still as good as they are...

unarex said...

Great things to add into your writing, although I'm not sure they should all happen to the same character 'cause no one would believe it.

litlove said...

I absolutely loved these. I began reading thinking, I ought to do this meme, but by the time I reached the end I realised I had nowhere near the quality of material you do. I'm sure that's the perfect example of something have the quality of its defects.... Thanks for a great laugh.

litlove said...

I absolutely loved these. I began reading thinking, I ought to do this meme, but by the time I reached the end I realised I had nowhere near the quality of material you do. I'm sure that's the perfect example of something have the quality of its defects.... Thanks for a great laugh.

S. Kearney said...

Yes, this was funny afterwards, but scary at the time! I wondered if you're allowed to shoot people in Greece when they pee into the grounds of palaces! :)

I will go and check out your offering soonest. :))
In response to your questions: I got the slap afterwards and yes I think some of my pee must have splashed a little his way!

I'm looking forward to reading yours. I'm sure that everyone has these moments, if they really try hard to think about it.:) I hope the bigness of things here is not too super-size-me-ish! :)

I have thought about including a few of these incidents in my stories, but you're right that people wouldn't accept that one person could suffer so much! I won't mention the events that didn't make it onto this list! :)

and litlove,
Welcome! nice to have you stop buy. Please do try this if you get a chance. As I said to Moon, I'm sure you could dig up plenty of material if you really sat down and thought about it! :)

Unknown said...

Brilliant! No, not brilliant, in fact awful, dreadful, cringingly bad moments that nearly made me wet meself.

S. Kearney said...

Let be always said that Shameless was able to make Minxie wet herself! :)

Unknown said...

There's certainly plenty of colour there for a good number of stories! Whatcha waiting for?

Julia Buckley said...

Great post Shameless - no.1 sounds very dramatic! I agree with Atyllah, I'd love to hear more about some of these.

Saaleha said...

Poor soldier! I wonder if I would have tipped a waiter generously for ruining dessert four times?! All very interesting though.

S. Kearney said...

Some of these I would definitely like to expand on ... the supermarket robbery has other aspects to it which make it a classic! :)

Hi, good to have you stop by. When I'm 85 these will be in my autobiography! :)

I think the people were so terrified by the boss's reaction that they wanted to show me some kind of support. :) Oh, and I've only just spotted my silly dessert becoming desert typo, which no one seems to have noticed. It's corrected now though! :)

S. Kearney said...

Oh, and I've put the word veri thing back on ... I was getting about six spam a day, which is way too many! :)

Nancy Ruth said...

A great blog -- the world needs more comedy, even if it is at your expense.

S. Kearney said...

Hi and welcome back! :) I hope things are OK for you, and Bill is feeling better.
It's true that we need to laugh more, and I really don't mind if this one is on me! :)