I had some short stories, poems and photographs to share ... and so here I am

The Fish In The Phone Box !

 

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Be jaysus, Doreen! Would ya bleedin’ well listen to me now. I’m tryin' to tell ya there were fish in the phone box. For the sake of heaven! Don’t be an eedjit! Listen to what I’m tellin' ya. Don’t listen to y'ma. Of course I tried to ring y'up. Be jaysus and begorrah! I did. We’ve got photos. We’ve bleedin’ well got some photographs! I was mortified. He was all googly-eyed, see? A right bold little bugger, all cheerful, swimmin' there in that phone box like it were his own bleedin’ fish tank.

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What d'ya mean have I been eatin’ some of Declan’s mushrooms? I only ever did that once, Doreen. I swear to God. I went outside to call y'up, to tell ya I'd be staying out for a pint. Well, maybe a couple. That phone box by the pub. You know the one. It’s a bleedin’ ordinary phone box, right? I stumbled there in the dark, spillin' half me pint down me trousers. A stripy fish, Doreen. Blue and green, and bits of bleedin’ orange, starin' straight out and laughin' at me, right? I blinked and blinked, Doreen. Faith and begorrah. I splashed beer in me eyes. A right waste, I know. But it didn’t get rid of them. What an eedjit!

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His friends were smaller, right. Moodier lookin'. Hangin' out near the bottom. I would’ve opened the door, to get on the blower t'ya. But the water, Doreen? What about the fish? They would’ve died right there on that bleedin street. Is that what ya would’ve wanted? The bleedin’ water crashin' out? Murder, Doreen. The slaughter of innocent fish. Be jaysus! Those poor little buggers suffocatin' on the street. Murder, Doreen. Bleedin’ murder! Hello? Ya still there? Doreen? We've got photos to prove it! Don't be a bleedin' eedjit!

© Copyright, 2007. Seamus Kearney.

36 comments:

laurie said...

...and that's why i didn't call!

great pictures. great little story.

Shameless said...

Laurie - Thanks. :-) lol. I'm glad you liked it. There's always a good excuse why someone doesn't call, see?

Lane said...

Be Jaysus Seamus! Would y'be spoiling us with ya story!

Loved it:-)

Julie said...

http://www.artcritical.com/appel/BAFall2005ContArt.htm

....We saw the above Hirst 'Lost Love' at Saatchi.

Used to know of a site with instructions to convert old computer monitors into fish tanks...

...and there was a pub in the old part of Hull with glass loo cisterns filled with goldfish...!?

Shameless Goldfish award??!

Happy Christmas.

Shameless said...

Lane - Tanks very much! lol

Julie - Oh, I will check out that link straight away. What fun! :-)

Roberta said...

I laughted outloud!!! This is one excuse I've never heard!

Love it Seamus!

Debi said...

Oh wow - you know me and the fish ...

Happy New Year, Shamey. May all our dreams come true. Even the ones about the fish ...

Shameless said...

Roberta - And the poor man did have the photos! lol

Debi - Happy holidays to you too Debs. Yes, I raise a glass with you: to lots of good things in 2008! :-)

Eric Valentine said...

Quite an accomplishment rigging the phone booth like that. I used to have 250 gal tanks with fish, ~ a lot of work. ~ Really nice story Seamus my friend.

Hope Doreen wasn't your story editor.. LOL

Two fish tail wiggles to you on the story. ;)

Stefanie said...

Most excellent!

Sarah Hina said...

Too funny, Seamus! I, for one, believe your fish tale. I mean, you've got the pictures to prove it!

Have a great Christmas! I'm so happy I found your blog this year.

:)

Casdok said...

Seen it all now!!

Shameless said...

Eric - Thanks. Wow, you had lots of fish! You will relate to this then. lol

Stefanie - Hi! I'm glad you liked it. :-)

Sarah - Thanks. Yes, the photos! Why wouldn't we believe them? lol I'm also thrilled that I found your blog. Your work blows me away. I look forward to seeing more. Happy holidays to you and yours.

Casdok - And just when you thought you'd seen everything! lol

Julie said...

Love the decorations...! Have close family in Dunedin.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

LOL - ah now, that's a grand little story! :-)

Have a wonderful and very happy Christmas, Shameless.

Jon M said...

Ace! Have a cool yule Seamus!

Shameless said...

Julie - Yes, aren't the lights great! Dunedin is a lovely city, with so much on its doorstep. Have you been there?

Absolute V - Thanks. I also send lots of Xmas cheer your way. :-)

Jon - Thank you. I like that: cool yule. Seasons greetings to you and your loved ones.

Eric Valentine said...

Have a great Christmas Seamus, may your pen remain hot & hectic my friend. :)

Shameless said...

Eric - Thank you. I also pass on to you and yours my best Christmas wishes. :-) I love the term "hot and hectic" to describe my pen. I would hesitate to say that my keyboard remains hot and hectic though, otherwise it might bug my computer. lol

Nothingman said...

your mom makes some cool designs!
Merry Christmas to you too :)

oh and the fishy! cool fishy nice fishy...psychedelic man!fish in phone booth. and great pics to boot! where did you get those??

are there more?

:)

N

Julie said...

Dunedin - not yet; though have painted a few pics of the Lord of the Rings scenery on cousin's back doorstep!

Vesper said...

What a cute fish!
And beautiful decorations! - Bravo to your mom!

Have a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!

Jamaican Dawta said...

ROTFL! This is too funny. You have a great sense of humour. And I love the language. Is it a type of Creole, for want of a better word?

Your mother is amazing. Just goes to show that age is only a number. Tell her she did a fantastic job. I LOOOOVE the decorations and the new look of your site.

Merry Christmas to you and the rest of your family, and may you all have a blessed and awesome 2008!

Church Lady said...

Hahaha!!
Good one!

:-)

Love 'eedjit' though I'm not entirely sure how to translate it.

Shameless said...

Nothingman - Thanks. I will pass on your comments to my Mum! :-) I took the photos at the recent Lyon Light festival. There really was a phone box in the street filled with fish! lol

Julie - Ah. One day you must go there. It's wild and magical! :-)

Vesper - Thanks. Yes, mum is cool! Seasons greetings to you and yours too. :-)

Jamaican Dawta - I'm glad you liked it. Yes, the Irish accent is wonderful. Writing it is hard. lol

Church Lady - Thanks! "Eedjit" translates into "idiot". :-) lol

Saaleha said...

very nice seamus

Julie said...

Paddy, if you don't feed that poor little beggar soon, yu'll find 'im floating goggle eyed and belly up in that there glass contraption of yours.....look at 'im there, starin at you starvin and ravenous like.....
what you callin 'im - Sushi???
(:

Wayne said...

Couldn't be a better time to have a good laugh. Thanks!

Happy New Year!

L.M.Noonan said...

Belated Merry Christmas and a less liquid New Year than we are experiencing. Cheers darling, have a drink on me.

Shameless said...

Saaleha - Thank you. Seasons greetings to you.

Julie - Paddy? Sushi? lol. I should've given him my festive culinary treats ... then I wouldn't feel so bloated! :-)

Wayne - Thanks. Yes, this is definitely the time to laugh. lol

LMN - Thank you Loretta. I also send you the best of Europe's festive vibes! I hope your New Year began with a BLAST. :-) I fear I have had a drink for far too many people! lol

Julie said...

Nothing personal - inspired by the Irish...!

Glad you've had a good Yule and every best wish for the New Year to you and yours...

Vesper said...

Happy New Year, Seamus!

colleen said...

This is a riot! Did I tell you I can talk with a pretty good Irish accent. It came out while reading Angela's Ashes out loud to my youngest son who was 12 at the time. Of course there are genes at play as well.

Shameless said...

Julie - It's hard not to be inspired by the Irish, eh? :-) I send you all my best wishes for 2008.

Vesper - A very happy New Year to you too. May lots of good things come your way.

Colleen - Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. Yes, I remember liking the language in Angela's Ashes. It reminded me of how my father used to speak. :-)

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